Something I wrote a long time ago, when I 19 years old.

It is my birthday today. I am 19 years old now. Soon I will be what everyone calls: 
"a woman". This is my last year as a teenager and I don't really know what to do with this year. I'm writing in english, cause...? I don't know..No special reason. Maybe cause I like english...Everything sometimes, sounds so much better, so much deeper in english.


What do I do, on my last teenage-birthday? 
I'm thinking. As always. I'm dreaming, as always...


I remember once, when a man, older than me, told me that I am a beatiful girl that should not wait for a man to call me. And I hardly never do either. I know better than to wait for a man and his calls.
But I can't not help to think of antoher man, that is almost in my age that bewitch me with his words and his face, with the most beautful eyes in the world. He is the first man that I have ever waited for. And I don't really know why.
Not anymore.
He is magic to me, he is someone that I could fly around with in space.
I think of a pink elephant and stars all around...


But does he ever think of me? Does he want me?
I don't really know actually. Not anymore.
He treat me kind'a weird. I'm not sure if it's good or bad.
He is so mysterious. I can not seem to understand him all the time. What he is thinking. Or what he really wants. Sometimes, I'm sure that he doesn't know himslef, what is best for him.


He makes me sad. And I hate that.
But I am strong and will give him up, very soon.
Cause I deserve the best treatment from a man.
Yes and I am beautiful, and I am special.
And I don't wait for a man to realize that I am, what he have always wanted.


//Stephanie, 20/9-2005.